On Life and Living…and what the dying have taught me

The last few days have been painful…and sad.

I lost my mother.

Seeing her struggle with not just her health but also in her personal life, all I wanted and prayed for was that my mother would find peace and relief from all the challenges she faced.

Looking back now it seems that my life had been on pause forever. The past six-seven years especially, have been a blur…a jumbled collage of airports, back and forth trips between my home in Los Angeles and my family in Bangkok.

There was an indescribable restlessness — as if there is unfinished business, words that need to be said, pressing questions that need answers, and most of all some sort of healing that hopefully would free me.

The lie I once told myself was that my mother would always be here to protect me. But the roles suddenly reversed as she grew older and struggled with her health. All of a sudden I felt like the one who is the mother and she the child. Suddenly I had this overwhelming need to protect her, to shield her from any harm — from people, places and things, even take over some of her pain, if that were at all possible, so she wouldn’t suffer so much.

From the time we are born we look to our parents to teach us the rules of this world and to guide our…